There are times when I feel lonely. More lonely than I can handle. I don’t know what to do with myself and my mind goes into the deepest, darkest, scariest place of my soul and I lose myself. I forget why I have any reason to be happy. I forget all the amazing things I have been blessed with in my life. I forget why I chose to be who I am.
And I just cry. I cry and I cry and I cry. I feel worthless. Less than human. I feel completely fucking pathetic. But as I sit there crying, thinking of all the terrible things that have happened in my life, I realize that I have everything. I realize that I’m one of the luckiest girls in the entire universe. (That’s a lot, btw.)
There are so many people that are on call to be there for me. Any time of day, any time of night. I can just call and tell them how I’m feeling. No shame. No fear. No regrets. Just openness. I can put myself out there. I can explain the fire burning inside of me. I can call them and go on and on about silly, irrational things while I’m blubbering on the line. And you know what? They never have anything negative to say to me. They are behind me 100%. They tell me I’m smart and beautiful and free-spirited and that the things I’m facing now aren’t as big as they seem. That I will overcome these things. That this too shall pass.
They help me get by. They listen, they understand, and they love. I don’t know where I would be without you people. I don’t know how I could live without you. You are everything to me and I’d be nothing without you. Thank you guys. All of you. (I know most of you will never read this. You aren’t on Tumblr and that’s ok. I just wanted you to know.)
As for you. Yeah, you. The one who answers my calls at 11p even though you were up at 4am for class, work, babies, ect and oh yeah it’s your birthday, not mine anymore. But you reached out to me when I asked for help. You are truly one of the most amazing individuals I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting. I’ve given you no reason to care about me. No reason. And despite that, you still helped me. You talked to me and you comforted me. You were there for me. You helped me get by. Even if only for the night, it was you. Of all people. I cannot thank you enough. You are amazing.